Sammy's in his final days. Julie (Sam's long time CNA) was over today because she brought Cody and I home from Firestone. She came up to visit Sam and took his vitals. She put her head near his chest to listen to him breath, took his pulse and counted his breaths. Her eyes filled with tears. As soon as I saw that I started crying. She came over to me and stood between us and whispered "remember, he can hear us". Find strength, find strength, find strength....

She stayed until noon, then left for other stuffs she has to do. We found a lot of memories or funny You Tubes or whatever to make us laugh. I gave Cody his Saturday morning tickle fest. Sam's eyes sparkled.
Last night he wasn't able to talk, but he followed what I was saying. When I told him how much I love him, he mouthed "I love you". Took forever, took work, but he did it. After I sang "Always" to him (you can imagine how wonderful THAT performance wasN'T), I told him, it's still true you know.... always and always." He mouthed "always". Still with it, my Sammy.

I later asked Julie what it was that got her - she said his breathing is really down now, and the gurgling is up to his throat area. His eyes are yellowish where ours are white, and my God he's thin. I asked her should I now be staying home from work? She said let's see how the rest of the weekend plays out.

I love him so much, I love him so much. I want him to have peace. I never knew my heart could hurt this much.

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Believe..... We do.